Do You Watch What I Watch?

As I sit here listening to my original Chase LP album, I can’t help but think “Wow…Bill Cosby really does like his Jell-O puddin.” Which as you can imagine, makes me think of all the various things in life I truly
love:

1. Steve McQueen
2. Wombats
3. Rainy days
4. The Eagles
5. Rain drops on roses
6. Whiskers on kittens
7. And other such happy making things.

But mostly, I think of the this festive holiday season, and the movies commonly associated with it. And since I generally hate all of those movies, except It’s a Wonderful Life (you got your wings Clarence!), I figured I’d share with you what movies put me in a festive mood. So to do so, you’ll need a few things to truly enjoy the cinematic experience.

• Extra buttery popcorn (non of that lite/nonfat/low sodium shit)
• A black Santa hat, with black fuzz instead of white, (leopard print also works)
• A tranqed cat with fake antlers glued/sewn to its head
• A gallon pitcher of coffee
• A portable dvd player that continually runs a burning Yule log
• A real burning Yule log next to the dvd format
• Gummy Bears
• Box of Kleenex (some of the movies inspire so much joy in me, I cry)
• A Nerf Vulcan EBF-25 (hint hint Santa)

Now that you’ve assembled your movie watching gear and your Nerf Vulcan EBF-25 machine gun which every good boy (ME ME ME) should get for Christmas (I’m that good boy) to chase off Raccoons and unwanted visitors (like friends who claim I owe them money) It’s time to pop in that blu-ray disc of Christmassy glory.
*note: I think only two of these movies are actually on blu-ray*

• Santa Clause Conquers the Martians: The 1964 classic tale where a group of Martians kidnap Santa. With a theme song of Hooray for Santy Clause, you know it’s gold. However this movie does support the concept of pill popping. (it’s how they eat food) Don’t worry boys and girls, the good group of Martians along with the help of earth children save the day.
• Die Hard: Bruce Willis, lots of gunfire, explosions, ho ho ho now I have a machine gun, and Yippee Ki-yay mother fucker. How much more do you need.
• Mexican Santa Clause: This bit of gold was made in 1959 and revolves around the plot that Santa lives in this magical high tech fortress above the north pole. He also likes to spy on children with elaborate telescopes and what not. Also, he battles Satan. Satan employs Merlin to do his evil.
• Christmas Vacation: Hands down the best of the Vacation movies staring Chevy Chase. Cousin Eddie makes the movie perfect. Flaming cats, wild squirrels, full shitters, what else could you ask for.
• While You Were Sleeping: Don’t judge me. Even I enjoy the occasional romantic comedy. This is also the tear jerker I spoke of. Go watch it.

Well kiddies, there you have it. A glimpse into the wide variety of films I have watched and have truly touched my heart during this time of giving…or whatever the hell time it’s called. Personally, I celebrate Kwanza.